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Tachwedd 2004 November


Auction Etiquette

The Neuadd clock it chimed at two,
The hall was full of bidders who
With pounding hearts and loadsa cash
Looked out for bargains midst the lots
Around the room displayed so well
Tables, chairs - a bike with bell!

There are some rules of auction sales,
Observed by farmers throughout Wales
Keep very still or you may be
The owner of much property!
For Dick our man with gavel ready
Will note each twitch so keep quite steady
A nod is worth two pounds a hike
Thats how you’ll buy that old dead bike!

The sale went on throughout the day
With prices fair so most would say
White coats ran up and down the aisles
Moving goods and raising smiles
Not much left now and most had gone
To generous bidders every one.

Then, “What have we here” says auctioneer?
A wedding dress - its size unknown
In white, no veil or matching shoes
Worn but once and ready now
For pastures new, so who will choose?
“What am I bid?” All heads look down
Save one bidder at the back
Who with his mates was taking tea
And nodding very vigorously
The bid’s with him but does he know?
That’s how he bought a pi-an-o!
No other bids, a gavel fall!
A whisper runs around the hall
All heads turn round to see who’s got
Such a bargain wedding lot.
“Me?” the question. “Is it mine?”
“Did I make a bidding sign?”
“You did our friend and if you’re able,
Then please to pay at our front table!”

The moral of this story plain
When auction going think again
’Fore nodding head or winking eye
At mates around or sat nearby
In case our auctioneering friend
Considers that to be the end
And leaves our farmer with the shock
Of having bought a Wedding Frock!

ANON E. MOUSE

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